The Gossip Buster Superhero

I promised some friends that I would update my blog on the topic of gossip and backbiting. Well, I have been given plenty of opportunity to practice what I preached- which can feel like a curse but I keep telling myself its blessing in disguise. I hope you work in an environment where people live in harmony, respect each other, and focus on each other's good qualities. But if thats not the case, I am sorry. There's something you can do about it: you can bust out your superhero outfit and get to work to exterminate it from your sphere, metaphorically speaking.

I am an aspiring gossip and workplace toxicity buster superhero. I used to be a victim, but am slowly moving out of victimhood and into superhero-hood. To help myself, I came up with a step-by-step on how to be a gossip and toxicity buster. It's a work-in-progress, as I am learning as I go. Feel free to leave comments on any other steps you may have. Here are the steps to combat workplace gossip:

1. Stay away from the gossip

I know this sounds so simple, but it is hard. People at work unfortunately connect to each other through gossip. Its the easy thing to do because it creates an "us" and "them" illusion so people can bond over their supposed superiority. Be creative and connect in other ways. Figure out what the people you work with love, what their passions are. Talk about those.

At times, you may need to discretely leave the room when the gossip begins. I like to go use the bathroom or go on a walk. Soon people will get the clue and hopefully stop gossiping with you because they know you won't engage. If you have a feeling they are gossiping about you, follow the next few steps below.

2. Be tunnel-visioned

You are at work because you have a mission. Focus on what YOU are there to do. If you are a teacher, focus on teaching the children with your superhero tunnel-vision glasses. Pretend the adults are not in the room. Imagine they are wearing invisibility cloaks from Harry Potter or that you are wearing tunnel-vision glasses. Through these glasses you can only see your children, your work, and your goals.

3. Assume a diplomatic role

If people are trying to pull you into their sphere in order to meet their own agendas, assume the diplomatic role. Ask them about their philosophies, listen to them talk and say "What is your philosophy about this topic that frustrates you? How interesting, why do you conclude that?" Elevate the conversations to more philosophical topics. This tactic deviates them from talking about specific people. They will also realize that you are a neutral force who will not work for them nor against them. Being diplomatic helps them realize 2 important things:

1. That you will not be in the way of their personal agendas.

2. They will not be able use you for their personal agendas.

4. Do metaphorical washing

Every day when you come home from work, take a shower, take a walk, or do something that will make you feel like you are cleaning yourself energetically from your workplace. I found that workplace toxicity has a certain sticky energy and it can weigh me down. I have experienced that if I don't "wash it off" on a daily basis, it accumulates in layers and made me feel exhausted and sick. These are the things I started doing after work that have helped me the most: taking a shower, taking a epson salt bath, yoga, meditation, praying, watching a comedy show, getting a massage. As I do one of these, I imagine I am spiritually washing myself clean, ready for a brand new day the next morning.

5. Be authentic

Find your truth and be an ambassador of your reality, even if you think it may be unpopular, wrong, or flawed. We are all imperfect humans, but we each have our unique contributions. Your voice matters and the world needs you! A toxic and gossip-filled environment can make us feel like we need to monitor our own voice and that we have to strive to be a certain way in order to be accepted. We can also feel that our contributions are not valuable unless we mold them into something else. We lose ourselves that way.

Accept yourself, come as you are, and show up anyway. Show up perfectly imperfect. Bring your angels with you. I think of people who believe in me and love me for exactly as I am, and I pretend they are there in the room with me. Especially when you are about to do something that scares you, invite your superhero sidekicks to come along with you. If they are not there in person, bust out your superpower of imagination and envision them there, helping you, believing in you every step of the way.